P.S. How was that? Too long, lol. Am I still your hero?
LOL, that one post doesn't change anything.
Anyways, I went out and shot pool with a buddy and stayed out til about 11:30P at that point we decided to call it a night and start driving home. As I was driving I had received a txt message from the W that she would be home later than she had told me, she's going to a house party. That did not sound good to me at all, not one bit. What happened to "Do I have anything to worry about?" question the other day when she told me about her plans. I was dissapointed Saturday night. Sunday morning was even worse, she did not come home until 11AM. All kinds of emotions were raging in my head, my chest, my whole body. But, I imagined that BIG STOP SIGN and tried to sleep it off.
Sunday morning, I had my coffee, sat in front of the computer to take my mind of whatever crazy thoughts I was having. That did not last very long, so went back to bed and moped some more. I actually dozed off for an hour maybe two and then got up again. Staying in the house was going to drive me nuts so I figured it might help to do some driving around town, go to the store or something. I was on the way to Home Depot when my cellphone rang, it was the W. I was not sure what to say or do so I did not answer it on purpose. She did not leave a message, so here I am thinking, ok, what now? I made it to Home Depot, parked and sat there for a few minutes then I decided to just go back home, I was confused.
I got home and W's car was parked in the driveway, I braced myself for whatever. I got in, she was changing and arranging some stuff in the bedroom. She asked me what I did the night before and I just replied with "nothing, just drove around". I asked her about hers and she told me that when she sent me the text message the guys decided they were going to a strip club and she went with the ladies to a party.
At this point, I got so much stuff in my head I don't even know what to say and she always asks me "what are you thinking?" I'm not very vocal about my thoughts, and english is not my first language. I did manage a reply that whatever she's been doing it seemed like she was doing it on purpose. That I knew and realize that I was not fair to her before and that I am making it up to her slowly, but still her actions seem to me that she's rubbing it in my face.
We sat on the couch and I managed to get more words out of me. I said, I did not want to play the "put yourself in my shoes line" but I was just going to anyway since we're here talking.
How would she feel if I was out with a person that ADMITTED TO HER that she has feelings for me and then I stay out all night and not come home until LATE in the morning? She said she fully understands how I feel, and that she just did not communicate whatever she was doing properly. I said “how so?” She said the OM ditched her for strippers! I replied, “Sorry but that’s his problem”. She said she did not do a very good job at the text message she sent, she did not say who she was with and other details. I did stress the fact that she did not even call to let me know what to expect. She said she did not like talking to me on the phone when she tells me something like that because she hears/feels the disappointment in my voice. I said I understand but at least after the conversation I will not be going crazy thinking. She also said that she got used to me calling her and asking where she was. Controlling her was not one of the things I do not want to do and keeping tabs on her by calling her cell was one of the no-nos. She understood that and again reiterated that she did not do a very good job of telling me about what she was going to do.
I asked about why she did not come home, she said she was not in the condition to drive and she immediately came back with I know you want me to let you know where I was and she knew that if I knew where she was I’d drive over and pick her up. At this point I just believe what she tells me, if I’m going to learn to trust again, today was a good day. We talked about other things which I cannot remember right now while typing this long-ass post. I laid on the couch for a bit and she reached over and just played with my hair and touched my face. This went on for a few minutes and I just said, let’s go watch a movie. She asked, if I meant a DVD. I replied, “no, I just want to get out”. She was all for that. She called her brother while we were driving and in that conversation she said we were going on a date.
The rest of the day went very well, the movie was funny, drove back home. We sat down on the couch and she asked me if we could take a nap. I said yes, and suggested we nap on the bed. She said that would be a good idea since it’s cooler in the room. She laid close to me and held me and my face close to hers. I said “I missed you last night”, she said, “I’m sorry”. She asked if I slept the night before, and I said I think so. When we woke up 3 hours later, I told her I guess maybe I did not sleep at all the night before. She thought that was funny.
A bad night and a bad early morning turned out pretty well. Do I still have doubts in my head? Sure! I have lots but I’d like to trust her but right now I can’t bring myself to demand or to ask for her to make me trust her. I long for the day when she will tell me contact with the OM is over and that I am the only one for her. She’s at home right now, giving me affection and attention and I will take that for now before asking for the rest of the world.
Am I still your hero? 
