I was just saying something like what Harmony says above to ANS on another thread...
"I tend to get through each day by living in two worlds, the inner and the outer. My inner world protects me from the insanity of the outer world lived with him. I have found it futile to share my inner world with him, so I keep it to myself. I'm very protective of the inner (real) me."
Sometimes I feel like I'm two people living, sometimes floundering, inside one body.
I still have ugly/bad thoughts but I have learned to detach myself from the feelings associated with them and make it like it happened to the other me.
I am so much more reserved than I used to be (I know, some would say that's not a bad thing! ). I often wonder if I am acting or if this new me is the real me (?). I also tend to not let H see how I really feel, and I know that is not a good thing. I have toned it WAY down, but often to the point of stoicism.
But then, like Kent says about his W and limited rather than ready access, perhaps this is how he wants it? Sure feels lonely sometimes, huh.
Have any of y'all been able to get the 'two of you' to meet?
As far as the trust issue goes, it can be had to some degree again, but it definitely must be earned, and on a daily basis. The blind 100% trust I once held for my marriage is gone. And, once again like Kent says, it's not a bad thing. I held my H with such high regard and to such a high standard - he just was not able to meet it, I was unfair to him.
). I often wonder if I am acting or if this new me is the real me (?). I also tend to not let H see how I really feel, and I know that is not a good thing. I have toned it WAY down, but often to the point of stoicism.
