Wow, Ladies you have struck a chord. I have been thinkin about this quite a bit myslef. I have decided to adopt a "benefit of the doubt" perspective. I think our spouses are just as scared about what happened as we are. I also think they are hurt inside to the point that they are unsure about trusting us.
I can relate to the unfamiliar sensation of living lives separate rather than as single entity (couple). I am working to balance this as I realize my goals are not identical to my W's. She needs her separateness. It's something that has always eluded her. Me, I always had it and I want to be a family man. So, I accept her desire and fulfill more of my need with my kids. It's still a win/win/win situation. It's just the balance that has shifted.
W, on the other hand, is appreciative of the time she gets to work on defining herself. She shows it with small words and small deeds. I have discovered that this is her way.
I think trust returns in small doses if we allow it to. However, we never get back to our original position of "blind trust". I'm not so sure this is a bad thing.
I can also say I don't give W ready access to the me inside. I also have found she does not want ready access, just limited access.
Keep searching, but don't overlook the possibility that it is front of your nose.
