Thanks for replying. I'll try to answer some of your questions but i'm sure i'll forget something.
My H has had a history of depression. He told me that it wasn't the depression causing the problems, it was that he was unhappy??? He tried going on paxil, for 1 month but took himself off after we split, saying he didn't need it anymore. Logical right? Well, anyway he refuses counseling because he believes they can't tell him how to feel. Nor can they make him love his wife. He has told me that we could stay together but my life would be miserable (because his is). Everything he told me was for the best for me. Never him (so he said). Sometimes I wonder if I left too soon. Perhaps i should have stayed and we could've worked through it. However, i didn't find DB until after....
Anyway, our relationship began as long distance, but traveled as much as possible to see each other. We knew our first year was going to be tough b/c of all our stressors. Newlyweds, not much money, needing to move, hating where we lived, plus his believing I was giving up my career for him (couldn't work at what I do where he is). During this time he decided to go to school which added extra stress (PhD). And his depression. I think his trigger was that after the high of the wedding and right after was the holidays, he just started to come down and it got bad w/ the stress.
So he is now in TX and I'm here. I'm not really working and have to find something permanent. My H is alone in tx. No family and a few friends from school. He has moved in with a roommate from his lab and is basically really busy with school. There is a lot to do where he is, but he doesn't have that much money to do it. He has told me that sometimes it feels like it did in IN (where we lived), all he did was sit in front of the computer and play games.
Other than that, I really don't know much. Like I said, we haven't talked much lately. I consulted Arnold and we talked about me moving to TX (see my thread on newcomers). I would be able to live ~80miles from him and work for a co. that I've always wanted to. I've made up my mind to do that, but now i'm beginning to have doubts. Doubts that he even cares for me anymore, let alone would want to talk to me. I have to tell my family and I know they will not be thrilled.
I know the move would seem like i'm pursuing. But even arnold couldn't see any other way. he said my sitch is unique and that since my H is stuck there, the only thing left is for me to go there. He suggested we date. Something we rarely did in the beginning b/c of the distance. it is also a time when my H felt closest to me. it was a need that we didn't meet most of the time.
Well, i've rambled enough, sorry for this being long. I appreciate you taking the time to write back. Like I said, it helps talking to someone whose hope made a difference.
Take care, Kathy
For in the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught. - B. Dioum
