I do have one question though. When you and your H weren't communicating, who initiated the first contact? and why?
My H made the initial contact but that was to tell me that he wanted a trial separation. It was after that time I called him and asked for a meeting to get clarity around the separation (i.e., should it be controlled, how long, etc.). While this was our second meeting, I didn't make much headway in getting the answers I wanted. My older sister knew me and my relationship well, and went through almost the same situation, only longer and there was ow involved. Since she was an expert, she was able to see my H's love bank (W. Harley His Needs Her Needs) and advised me to reach out via email as that posed less of a threat and didn't put H on the spot. In my emails, I asked if we could get together for happy hour or dinner. There were times H told me he would call and didn't to set something up. There were also others where he would cancel at the ninth hour. If H did any of the above, I generally laid down boundaries saying something like 'it's one thing to have something come up, but I would appreciate if you could give me more notice....if you say you're going to call me on your own volition, I would appreciate hearing from you...'. I kept my expectations very low each time I would say such things (which was only a couple times). I think H appreciated I was sticking up for myself that I wouldn't accept crumbs but that I wasn't totally unreasonable and angry about it either. It's all about boundaries. My medium for communication became email. Another observation, after my H blew me off those couple of times and I laid down boundaries, I also realized H needed to do the pursuing since I had set up the date(s) in the past. Another book details this to some degree in terms of the pursuer/distancer concept and is very insightful. Let H miss you and do the reachin' out sometimes. I don't know your situation but it seemed my H had a negative love bank balance on account of my withdrawing some love and affection before he left. H didn't leave b/c of an ow, job, etc. We had a lot of emotional reactivity that went on for months and a little over the 2 years we've been married. I think it all depends on the circumstances. H was feeling angry and once that anger disappeared, other emotions crept up (i.e., sadness, fear,feelings of loss, etc.).
I hope my rambling helped you to some degree. If not, ask for clarity and I will reply. Also, if you could let me know a little about your situation, this would be helpful.
