About 1 month after my H dropped the bomb, I asked him to read through "After the Affair". This was at a point where we were trying to work it out (although he wasn't trying very hard and I think he was still seeing the OW). His reaction was that the book focused too much on the unresolved issues of the betrayers childhood and not enough on the dynamics of the marriage that got them to this point.
I believe that while they are still involved with the OP, they have a need to blame the affair on problems in the marriage, otherwise they would feel too guilty about what they are doing. I don't think you can get through to them with books or facts until they're ready to work on the marriage.
I found/find the book to be very helpful. I just haven't had much luck getting through to my H over the past 10 months. He's not open to it.
