We fired the C last week...I am still somewhat ambivalent about it. I am not sure we are done but wonder if perhaps I am just scared of NOT going to C where I know I can speak my mind and not worry about overanalyzing or obsessing or any of the other things I do.
I know there are still unresolved issues surrounding this A and my H even agrees he is still stuffing a lot of what was going on with him back then. But is he past it? Am I? I suppose only time will tell.
I can't help but worry about the fact that I still don't feel it's "fixed" and that all was "resolved"...for me there was not total "closure". This scares me because I didn't recognize it the last time so how will I if there ever is a next time? I know, don't live for 'what if's'...but it's still there in the back of my mind and creeps forward every so often.
I realize that from his view-I may never have that from him because he still clings to the adage of "I don't know". And I realize that I am the only one that can attain that from myself, and FOR myself.
More work on me.
But, how then, are we supposed to 'help' our spouse to open up and face this when we can see the need, the C can see the need, and even our spouse can see the need??
We are in a good place right now-and will continue to move forward together. I plan to, at some point, discuss with him my need to talk about things...not to set a frequency or a schedule to do so, but just to reinforce what the C said to us about not being afraid to talk about things (she was especially directing this at my H-and even told him so!).
And I know I have more letting go to do. (and of course those lucky stars to count)
Thanks for the rant, AND all the great adice and thoughts over the months....it is much appreciated!
L
[This message has been edited by Me2 (edited 05-30-2001).]
