Friends, Thanks for all the thoughts and ideas. I probably will try some of those books as well. Some of what you mentioned has and is already done. W responds to some of the efforts some of the time. We do talk about it periodically. We have even discussed the fantasy simulation techniques. Bottom line is as she says "it's just not that important right now". She knows it's important to me and plays the part and I will have to live with that for now.
I really beleive she is still trying to figure out who she wants to be. Not all the time, but much of it. I discussed this in length with our C and I agree with her insight. My W is just not ready to give much more to our R. She needs to go thru her own crucible before she will even understand what is happening. The C agrees with me in that there is not a hell of a lot I can do about it other than remain patient, compassionate, loving and support her in making some changes in her life. I intend to do just that.
I keep my disappointment(minimal) to myself. I seek other things from other relationships within the bounds of my vows. I could never leave my W. This experience has brought me closer to my children and I appreciate that.
The greatest tool I have to date is my use of the pursuer/distancer dynamic. If I play it right, I can use it to bring W closer, much closer. It's alot of work and I don't like using it, but a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do.
There is no magic cure folks. Its gonna be work for the rest of our lives. I can tell that none of us are strangers to hard work. If we were, we would not be here.
In the mean time, I will keep giving back rubs, footrubs and scratches. Scalp massages are another specialty of mine. I won't discuss a few other techniques I use and I may try a few that you all were good enough to share.
