BB, you asked? ******************************************* I want to know how you are doing - for real!! You are so helpful to people - but sometimes I wonder if you don't need to lean on others once in a while. I know you are working on you, waiting on the other side of all of this for your W to take her journey - but does it get to you?- what kinds of thoughts go through your head when you get down? Or are you in such a cool place that it just is.... ********************************************
I am in a pretty cool place but it is far from perfect. It's even quite a ways from where I want to be. I still lean on certain people from time to time. I converse with GBON (greg) offline on occasion. I have regained control of my monsters. I know who they are. We have coffee from time to time.
I accept the fact that my struggle is with me and nobody else. My struggle at this point is to get to a place where the little ones no longer stress me out. Those two little guys can really push my buttons. The little guys literally drive my W nuts by the end of the day. Thats the main reason I take over when I get home from work and on weekends.
As far as W goes, I still wonder about wether we will make it from time to time. Again these are my fears. When they rear there ugly heads, I retreat into my cave until I can get it back togather. I would have to say that our R has regained alot of intimacy. Unfortunately, The innocent lustful passion is gone. I've been reading a book called "Surrendering to Marriage". The book talks about this loss of passion and basically says it always happens and to "get over it". I'm having a bit of trouble accepting this philosophy cus I did'nt give up my passion. It was ripped away from me. Not sure if I will even finish the book. I am actually feeling sorry for the author (Krasnow).
So BB, that is where I am at. I don't lean on many people as I usually try to deal with my problems in my cave. By the time I come out the problem is gone and I usually have new solutions to try. That is the crux! New Solutions! When problems appear, don't get lazy and push them off to the side. Listen, think and then respond!
It really does work and it is a pretty cool place to sit.
If I had all the answers, I'd be gone from this BB. If I had all the answers, I would not spend so much time reading in the NC forum. My R is definitely heading in a positive direction. I don't want to lose the drive to keep it going that way.
The boys and I have been busy. If the weather holds out, we are going to the zoo tomorrow. Maybe I can sign them up as a special display.
