JJ, I will email you today my address because I would like to hear your experience about this. I can understand what you mean- I was nervous to even post this here because I was afraid of being judged. I assume you mean getting involved in a EA or PA ourselves, here, that is dangerous. And I agree with you. I have no intention of doing that at this time. I am still committed to making my marriage work. This is like an introduction of a concept I have been singularly closed to. Perhaps I need to not be so closed to anything, more confident that I am making my own decisions here. It challenges me to really think. I am not taking anything lightly. The situation with my friend is very interesting – I even wonder if it was my imagination now about the attraction on his part – he does seem to “see” me in a different light and we have gotten closer- we talk about very cool stuff and this really has nothing to do with anyone else. He is a very honorable guy – I think if he does feel anything like that it would be uncomfortable to him because of his values. As it is for me. He has been one of people most supportive of what I am trying to do with H. Because I know him very well, I also very honestly see why he and I could NOT be anything but great friends (contrary to seeing only “stars”). I guess for me it’s a challenge of honesty I have to have with myself to even admit that I am attracted to ANYONE else but H. I don’t feel it diminishes how I feel for H, just distracts me a bit. It has helped me look at H more objectively and what it might have been like at the beginning with OW. I am asking a lot of questions to myself. I may talk to my friend eventually about this, just be honest with him cause this stems from me right now. I am going to think about it some more first. I have gone through some weird feelings this week through this – wanting to feel closer to H but not knowing how to right now. I am more detached, but I don’t want to let it become a bad kind of detached. I wish for more encouragement and support from him, but wouldn’t asking for that be backsliding? I am just going to slow down a bit and keep reminding myself it’s all a process. Patience again. This time, with ME.
