Hey, Lee! You're right, it CAN be a pretty confusing situation. I may be treading in dangerous waters here, but it's a bridge I had to cross myself. I hope I don't get bashed too bad by anyone else here.

There can be some benefits and some drawbacks that could happen when involved in this kind of situation. Definitely not something to be taken very lightly, and, as always, a very personal choice. Not something to be done as a game, it could easily backfire if done for the wrong reasons. Not something to be done if you're feeling vunerable at all.

You have to take a very close look at where your R with your H was, where it is now, and where you want it to be. You also want to take into consideration the possible effects on your friend, and on your friendship. You have to be very honest to both yourself AND your friend about your intentions right up front.

The fear of losing attachment to your spouse is a very different critter. It can be both a sense of freedom, and a sense of sorrow and of loss at the same time. It may help to give a boost to gaining a sense of detachment from your spouse. A lot of different questions may start entering your mind. It may help you strengthen your convictions towards reconciliation, or it may weaken them. It can sometimes help you to see part of life through your WAW's eyes.

If nothing else, it's a great boost to the ego, and kinda exciting to say the least. It may help a person get a closer focus on what they might want from an R, on what they may be missing. It's also very risky. It's the ultimate form of an LRT that you may have absolutely no control over. Beware! You may find you've been chasing dreams concerning your spouse. Or you may start chasing dreams with a friend. Or it may just be a good break from the drama with your H.

I would avoid saying anything to your H about this. It sounds like he can feel it anyway.

I'm anxious to hear what others have to say about this. I hope that nobody takes my perspective of this in a bad light. I am, in no way, suggesting you go one way or the other in this matter.

I may have added a lot more confusion to your situation here. If you'd like to hear some of my personal story on this, you can send me your e-mail address at jamesjohndb@yahoo.com I'll fill you in on some of my experiences on this. Both good and bad .


[This message has been edited by Jamesjohn (edited 09-13-2001).]


JJ

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