Thanks for the encouragement. I do feel strong. Being tested some more though
The picnic- H isn't going after all, and I'm gonna go have fun with the "troop mates" I'm looking forward to it.
About StepD - I would love to spend time with her, but the "powers that be" (H, family) I'm not really to be included in her life life since this all happened. It's unfair to me, but he was trying to protect her from confusion. He has said he would help that happen eventually, but I don't bug about it. It's sad, though.
H called yesterday, I was really cheerful, anticipating good news about his creative project (I was really happy for him that he was getting to do it.) It didn't go well, and H hesitated to tell me, but basically his friend that helped him on it is someone I have been closer to (H hasn't spoken to him in a long time) and he treated H coldly. H thinks it is because he is being judged for his treatment of me. He wasn't blaming me at all, he knows I didn't cause this to happen, and his friendships are his own responsibilty. He told me not to carry that burden, but I was so disappointed about it, I cried (I know - bad). I was just so sad.
Then the second thing he told me was that Ex-OW is in town for the weekend. Her Grandmother passed away. He told me that she is NOT staying at our house, and he will be seeing her, but only as a friend. He was supposed to go to dinner with her last night. It was awkward for him to tell me, and a bit of a shock (we talk about her so little) but I handled htis really well, I thnk. I thanked him for giving me a "heads up" - cause I know he didn't have to (and he hasn't done it before). Good thing he did - it's a really small city.
He felt bad for dropping these things on me, and he sent a hug over the phone and said he was thinking really good thoughts about me and would talk to me soon. He really wanted to connect.
So, I'm a little worried that H seeing OW will change their status again. I did not even know for sure what that staus WAS until he told me yesterday - I just don't ask about it. I am trying to let it go though, I can't control it.
I'm trying to see the positives in this and ignore the rest- he reached out, he told me she's here, he realized the friend thing was his own fault and his to fix, He told me not to carry it. and he seems to think of me as a small good thing in his life where a lot isn't good right now. I'm going to keep being a friend and doing the other good things I'm doing. Stay strong.
