Ok, I will take the harder approach because I think it's needed here monchichi.
You need to stop playing this role. YOU chose to have not one, but two affairs. YOU chose to put yourself in this position. It's funny, but I think I was treating you more as a LBS than a WAS before. I AM NOT JUDGING YOU now, I am just trying to get you to understand where you could be thinking differently.
You say you are lost and confused. I get that but you need to stop acting like these things, these affairs, just happened to an otherwise devoted wife. You may have acted out of desperation, weakness, strength or a combination of those and a hundred other feelings. The fact is that you ACTED on something within you that gave you the power and stength to violate the trust of your H and cheat on him. That is NO small act of will, and what we are asking of you now is that you use the SAME act of will to understand that you need to start taking ACTION.
You need to start understanding that there is no magic potion that will fix this and the only real thing you can do is to start BEING the woman you want to be. If you know that the cheating was wrong, than work to become a woman who would communicate with her H more effectivly to let him know her needs and concerns before taking such drastic action. Do that by learning how to communicate. Read, post, understand more about yourself so that in the event that he decides NOT to D from you, you are in a position to facilitate reconciliation. If you do not do these things, and nothing changes except that H backs off of the D, then you may likely have 3rd affair because you will not have addressed the underlying issues in your marriage that led you to this point.
I DO think you have a chance to save your M but you really have to want it. Read DB or DR and by all means, please see a therapist (if you are not already). IT WILL HELP.
Sorry to be so harsh, but I really think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Tap into that strength and fight with all you have to BE the woman who won't give up. Fight to BE the woman that with H or not, is proud of herself.
