Hey there. I have read your stich and I can relate beleive it or not. We are very silmilar. As one post put it, it took a lot of courage to come here for you. I know exactly what you are feeling!
Remorse, ashamed, hopeless, sad, confused I can even relate to the not being able to talk to your H. I was there for many years as well.
With the moving out, it may be the best thing for him to cool off. He is in a whole world of hurt and anger, a place you can not relate to. I know it is hard to move away from him, but you need to take things at his pace. This will not be an easy road.
My H has been dealing with my mistakes for 6 months now. We are starting to have better days, but it is so easy to revert back to bad and angry feelings.
I can't really give more insight as I don't have more info on your stich, and I know it can be really hard to discuss these things because you are so ashamed and afraid people will judge you. The people on this board will not do that, and neither will I. We are here to listen and help when we can.
Right now, you can't expect anything from your H. I am not sure if you have DB or DR. I would definatley get DB and read the section in infedility. It will give a lot of insight.
Right now your H is in control of your M and if it is to continue. You can not change that, he has to come to you. Be there to support him when he needs you. He will most likely lash out when you do talk. Try to listen and be supportive. Apololgize for your actions.
I know the world you are in. If there is anything else you would like to ask, or need to talk about, let me know.
