W31, OM 20 (actually now 21!) Part III

[RBinBR]

you've earned the right to do whatever your heart desires.

Yeah, Ford, but what I really desire is for my wife to change and for us to have a successful long-term marriage. It's just a question whether or not I should continue to wait for that as a possibility.

I think I'll wait another week or two before I do anything, but a change is coming in the next few weeks, one way or the other.

[ford]

I totally understand.

[AmyC]

Hey RB,

Excuse me for hijacking but I just wanted to say that is a very good link you put in your post to Emily.
I have put it in my favorites.

I have a "toxic" relationship with my mother.
I made the difficult decision this weekend that my children will no longer be going to her house alone and the backlash to come from her will be severe.
She has manipulated me most of my adult life and I usually cave in and talk to her again but I have been able to distance myself from her since my MLC.
I was still letting the kids spend time with her, though.
She doesn't treat my D10 very well at all.
Lately, her attitude and straight up meanness has been affecting my kids a lot and so I have had to draw the line.
It's a sad and difficult but necessary thing I had to do for my kids.
That link and the information at that site is going to help me stand my ground when the time comes because she WILL try to manipulate me again.
I always feel guilty, too.
Go figure.
But this time it's not just me, you know?
It's my kids.
So I've gotta do what I've gotta do.

I just wanted to say thank you for providing back up.


AmyC

[RBinBR]

You're welcome, Amy. I'm actually surprised you haven't seen that before on these boards ... it's been around. I think I first saw it on an NYS post a long time ago.

[RBinBR]

I spent a lot of time yesterday with an attractive woman who seemed to enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed hers. It wasn't a "date", but it was really fun and I want to be able to do more of that, and I'm not willing to wait forever.

I'm getting close to the filing point, and I'm cool with that.

Did I really just write that tripe? It isn't about what I want ... it's about what God wants for my life. Am I really so needy for affection, and do I really need my ego stroked that badly ... that I would decide to do what I want? NO!

You can certainly tell that my spiritual life has been in decline the last few weeks. That is something that I am going to address right now.

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, I was kind of surprised by that post of yours, but what's really wonderful about you, is how self reflective you are. All I need to do is be part of the cheerleading squad. Go RB!! I am rooting for you. I will pray for you too, that you find your peace and true fulfillment, paired with right action

[RBinBR]

D4 told me today that she asked W "why don't you want to live with daddy anymore?" and that W responded that she did want to live with daddy. It's hard to know what to make of that, though I feel sure that D4 told me the story corrctly. W still has OM's "Go Army" clip on her keychain, so I don't know how that could possibly translate into wanting to live with me. Either she's lying to D4, or she's completely clueless about the effect the A has on me.

[PositivelyListening]

Clueless. For sure RB. And from the sounds of it, not ready to face how much she has hurt you yet. Sorry. But I believe she told the truth to D4. I believe she wants you back, but thinks too little of herself to believe she deserves you. She's still in a fog. Detachment RB. And a dose of patience I know sometimes you just want to shake her up, huh? I keep looking for the magic fog-lifting spray in the store, I could spray it on H when he arrived and magic ! I could make a mint if I could be the inventor or distributor for that.

Hang in there RB. You are doing great. Look at the positive here! Listen to what she said to D4! Instead of being so skeptical, what if your W was hoping D4 would tell you, because she knows she can't tell you herself right now. It is the same kind of positive like when they say they don't want a D. Deep inside, she wants to be your W. She just needs to figure out how to feel good enough about herself to get there. Affirm her. Encourage her RB, to do good things for herself. But even more important, you role model that. What good things are you going to do for yourself today? You just keep being the wonderful, amazing RB that you are.

[RBinBR]

Thanks, PL. I think the dark period is going to end fairly soon. Though it's clearly worked wonderfully, I don't really think it needs to go on much longer. I think that this weekend will be a good time to reach out to W and see what her response is.

[RBinBR]

My sitch didn't have a good weekend:

• W owes me $70 and "can't" pay it because "she's broke." I'm also broke and have no money until I get my first paycheck on Thursday.
• I thought it was time for us to talk, so yesterday afternoon, I invited W to go with me to the LSU volleyball game last night, but she never checked her voice mail and didn't get the message, which is probably just as well, because...
• Today, I asked her what she meant by telling D4 that she wanted to live with me, and she conpletely denied saying it. I told her that whatever she said, she had confused D4.
• My MIL had agreed to pick up D4 from school on tomorrow so that I can go to a meeting, and she has now asked W to do it, which will be an inconvenience to W. So now, W is annoyed with ME because she has to get D4 from school on my day to pick her up.
• Finally, I just yelled at my MIL's voice mail for doing this, telling her that if she didn't want to pick up D4, she should have told me and I'd have arranged something else, but that asking W to do it created a stumbling block.

Sigh. Time to go back to being dark.