RB, I am more and more convinced that DB, or the bastardized, half-understood, opinion-infused version of it (and I mean that in the nicest way possible, lol) we talk about on this board is, at it's roots, all about personal choice and learning to exercise that choice. All the other crap about GAL, detachment, "as if" and cheese-less tunnels leads back to the simple fact that so many of us either lost the ability to make a rational decision when the bombs fell, or LONG before that. We forgot how to think for ourselves and make decisions based on what WE want and not some codependent view of the world, and in turn, lost our ability to have compassion and empathy for our spouses.
So, I do NOT think your decisions are "anti-DB" at all because they are PRO-RB, which I think is the point of DB. DB is a tool to allow us to get our freaking lives back and what we do with our lives once we finally own them is up to us.
I know I used to get SO frustrated at OT when she would praise me for things I was SURE were "bad" and chastise me for things I was sure were "good". It wasn't until VERY recently I realized why that was. I never "got" that her criteria was mainly that I actually made a CHOICE and didn't simply react to something or emote without thinking.
I realized that the essence of this experience is in learning how to BE me and thus, anything I do from this point forward, in relation to my W or me, so long as it's true to my inner-vision of who I am, is ok, and more than that, a perfect demonstration of DB at work.
RB, you do what you think is best for you and with any luck at all, she'll follow suit... that is, doing what is best for YOU, lol.
Seriously, your position seems to be the one best suited to allow BOTH of you to find out more about who you are and finally DECIDE to be together.
