W was at the wedding of OM's dad over the weekend, and she was very depressed when I saw her Tuesday (she cried when sitting next to me and holding D4). I wonder if watching them pledge their lives to each other shook her up. She was also very upset that her boss was "punishing" her for taking 3 days off for the wedding (Fri, Sat and Mon) by not giving her any leads for the week (she is really in bad financial shape right now).

Today, she was even more introspective. We ate lunch with D4 and then put D4 down for a nap. I was softly tickling her on the couch when the following convo occurred:
W: "I shouldn't be doing this."
Me: "OK" (I got up with a grin)
W: "No, I didn't mean for you to stop" (which is what I knew she would say).
W: (after a little more cuddling) "Why are you so nice to me?
Me: "well, I care about you."
W: (a little later) "Promise me that we'll always be friends, no matter what."
Me: "I don't know what's going to happen. Let's just take each day as it comes."
W: "What's going to happen with us?"
Me: "well, I guess that's up to you, isn't it?
W: "No, I really don't think that it is. I think it's up to God."
At that moment, her phone rang with her boss on the line, so that's where everything ended. I think that what my W meant was that her heart is with the OM, but she is going to try to reconcile with me after he goes to basic training, because she knows that she needs to do what's right.

I'm just not sure that's something I'm going to be satisfied with. I'm still thinking that I really want to tell her to get over the OM first and then we can work on our marriage. I can't see my starting a new life and bringing the OM into it ... he has to be out of the picture. I know that this isn't DB, but I can't see taking her to bed while knowing that she's really thinking about OM and wishing I were him. (OK, OK, I can see taking her to bed, but not in the sense of everyday life, if that makes sense.) I've been looking forward to this time for months now as a pivotal moment.

So, I still plan to keep her out of my new apartment and out of my life unless she completely removes the OM from hers. Again, I know this is not DB, but IT IS what I want. I want there to be no contact, I want her phone number and email changed so that OM can't contact her, and I want her to get rid of all his stuff. I think she needs to spend some time fixing herself before we work on fixing the marriage.

Please feel free to tell me that I'm being stupid about this.

The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)