Thunderbolt moment last night (literally, I was sitting out in a thunderstorm when I thought of it).
I have realised that the way I have been going, I have not been convinced of my ability to stand on my own two feet. Nevermind that I HAVE been doing it (albeit with very wobbly legs). That is not my biggest fear in all this, actually, but more a thought that is sabotaging my best efforts. I thought of it this way:
If H did miraculously decide to come back, and later I looked back on this time, I would not want to feel RELIEVED that I didn't have to find out how I'd be without him, but instead - confident that I did find out and it was ok. To do that doesn't have to mean I have to stop wanting it to work with him, that's a different thing. I know this is what you guys have been telling me. I have a way to go to really get there, but I am thinking about it a lot.
(PS No word from H since he left a voicemail about going away for the weekend. 5 days ago. Don't know if he's back, even. It's bothering me, I admit, but I will not even mention it if he does ever call again.)
