W31, OM 20 (actually now 21!) Part III

[RBinBR]

I'm more and more convinced that I'm going to go dark when I move into my apartment on July 27. I may wait until the OM leaves on August 1, but I'm feeling more and more comfortable with cutting off just about all contact.

The main reason is that I don't want to be the shoulder that she cries on as she misses OM and grieves for him. I tried that once before, and it didn't help. My being her "friend" that way doesn't help reestablish her attraction toward me. My sitch is like few here in that my W has almost no anger toward me. I really think that some separation might help her miss me, as she's said "RB, I can't lose your friendship; it's something that I really have to have in my life."

For me, it's a step of freedom, and it's a redefining of my sitch on my own terms. I just can't see starting a new life and bringing my sitch into it in its current form ... it would defeat the purpose. It's about the life that I want, and not the life I'm willing to settle for.

I really don't see much of a downside. The main reason for most LBS's NOT to go dark is that it can push the WAS further into the arms of the OP ... but that won't be able to happen for 9 weeks at that point, because the army won't let OM leave basic training. What do I have to lose?

My plan is to say something along the lines of:

"W, I'm so excited about the new life that I'm starting right now. I'm really looking forward to a fresh start. I want you to be a part of that fresh start, and I'd love for you to make a fresh start with me, but that can only take place if you're willing to work on a marriage with me, because I love you too much to continue to be "just friends." Your smile completely lights me up inside, and holding you in my arms is the closest thing I know to Heaven, but a relationship of occasional smiles and hugs ultimately isn't satisfying. So, I'm going to ask that you give me space to have my own life and refrain from contacting me unless you need to discuss D4. Or, if you decide that you want to be my wife, let me know."

Thoughts?