Homework installment 1 (working backwards through the good stuff you have posted to me):
from Kent: ******************************************* Ending your depression is YOUR choice. It may not fix your H's problems, but it will allow him to focus on him rather than on your freaking out or your depression. Stop giving him something to blame Lee. *******************************************
This is so true. I'll be really honest with myself here- my depression and "freaking out" is a reaction. Albeit an honest one. I don't set out to manipulate him, (in fact I really don't want to) but it certainly does not help me , him or OR, and effecitvely that's the result when it happens.
I don't show him all of it- last tuesday night was way over the top, though. And so it is likely sticking in his mind. That isn't how I want him to see me, It's not fair to the work I have done for myself to fall back into that. And so I have to change how I react. Period.
I realize that sometimes I need to feel like we are "in this together"- that if I don't tell him my feelings, and leave him alone to just deal with himself that it'll be really easy for him to just forget about me altogether. Ok, I'm facing the big flaws there.
Action I am going to take: When I speak to him next, I will NOT get into telling him how I FEEL. (DB 101) but instead - I will let him know in calm way if I think my feelings are interfering with my ability to deal with him rationally, then ask if we can try again later. We communicate well when I detach in that way.
