Thanks to both of you for writing. I think I must have misrepresented my attitude, though. The turning wheels have done no damage. I do not think that my W is committed to marrying OM. If she were sure that's what she wanted, she wouldn't be sending out the feelers that she has to me, and she would have indicated a desire for a divorce, which she hasn't done since January.
What I do feel certain of is that OM feels sure about her commitment. He thinks her love for him is unshakeable. He believed her in the beginning when she told him that the only reason she married me was to please her parents ... that she never really loved me. He thinks, "How else could somebody so wonderful like her do something that so deeply violates her own moral code?"
He's leaving to make something of himself so that he can be worthy of her. With the job skills, maturity, and experience of 2 years of active duty military service, he would have the ability to get and keep a good job.
If I could get inside W's head, I would guess that she is feeling a combination of a number of things, not all of them at the same time:
I'm going to miss OM
I'm glad that he's leaving me so that I can have some peace ... he's so needy and it's driving me nuts.
OM's joining the army will be good for him and help him mature
I'll have some space and time to clear my head and figure out what I want
I can probably still patch things up with my H if I decide that's what I want
I'll be able to spend a lot more time now with D4
My R with my parents and sister will improve now that OM isn't living with me
No longer living with OM and having sex with him will allow me to repair my relationship with God
In any case, I like my chances of ending up in a happy M with my W.
OM has badly "misunderestimated" W's love for me. OM does not understand the spiritual aspect of W's heart and the grief that breaking up her family has caused her. He is not able to see how I have changed and the effect this is having on W. He does not know how my career change and moving into my own apartment will improve W's respect and warmth toward me. He cannot comprehend D4's influence on the likelihood of a reconciliation. He's can't foresee the self-evaluation that W is likely to undergo. He doesn't anticipate her coming lonliness and the natural attachment back to me that will result.
Quote: do not forget that the om is not the reason for your problems. If he was suddenly gone that would not instantly make your M problems go away.
No, but his leaving will give me more of an opportunity to work on them.
Quote: Besides, two years is an awfully long time to wait for someone when that R is not built on a solid foundation. A lot can happen in two weeks or two months let alone two years.
Don't I know it ... especially for two people who have scarecely spent two waking hours without talking. If I had to predict, I'll bet that OM breaks it off with W after he's been at basic training for several weeks. He's going to instantly get tired of sending his paychecks to her to repay what he owes her, for one thing; and I bet he meets some cute girl recruit before too long. I've seen and heard enough of his behavior to know that he's too needy to wait two years for love. His emotional issues will find an attachment.
Quote: What special thing are you going to do for your self today?
Went shopping for that apartment I'll be getting. I may have found a good place. I'm excited. In-laws are BBQ'ing this evening, and W is coming over.
Quote: Maybe W will fall madly in love with you in the future
I think so!
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
