Thank you for giving me so much to think about. I have printed off your posts and am going to roll up my sleeves. Had a few lightbulb moments when reading them. And I will post some thoughts later today or tonight if that's ok. I really appreciate your help.
I wish I could go to a spa, Kent! Fact is, last week actually was a "vacation". I hardly feel it was much of one, and I knew I would feel that way, so I really DID force myself sometimes to "Act As If" I could be happy and enjoy myself. I spent a lot of time with my 3 yr old nephew -(he taught me how to "play" in his pool). I went to my favorite place twice - the beach. I prayed and wrote in my journal a lot(and I am not an overly religious person). I shopped for a new 2 piece bathing suit (6 sizes smaller than the last time I bought one). I started making a new quilt, and finally to cap it all off, I went out last night, flirted with men and got drunk. Came to my first day back at work sick and hungover. (ok, that was stupid, and unplanned for sure). I hope you guys are proud
I honestly think that despite what is happening with R and H, I am putting my best effort into myself. BUT It is sabotaged by the importance I am putting on the one part of my world that feels so wrong. R - that love - is really so important to me.
Well, enough babbling- I have to get to some doing what works and solution hunting. I want to be one of you guys who "gets it" and quit the whining.
Back later. Please keep talking to me if it isn't any trouble. It's helping a lot, too.
