I have been hanging in there, guys. Extremely depressed and scared, trying to shake it. Have talked to counsellor friend again and feeling a little better.
JJ - Have been writing a lot like your asssignements. I have been trying to Act As If it is over- it's causing some pretty dark times like before, and some paranoia and fear, too. I'm curious - did you suggest I do that because you really think it's the end- or because I have to think about it? I understand you all have seen so many ups and downs, is that where I'm wrong- by not being able to let go? Forgive me If I seem dense on that.
I'm so scared of divorce and of him dropping right out of my life, hating me. Counsellor told me "not to go there", because it hasn't happened. And I should only think of the next few weeks instead. I think part of the fear is that I have been distancing myself from how bad things were at Christmas and now I'm almost unrealistically terrified it will be like that again. I say unrealistic, because I REALLY REALLY don't think H wants that.
Anyway, H went away for the weekend, I know because he left me a voice mail started out by saying "Hi buddy" (our nicknames for each other) and he'd call me when he gets back.
Now I am going to a wedding, of all things. I had decided not to go, judging by my state of mind yesterday, but I changed my mind today. Got pretied up. Am wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I want to have a little chat with God. Thought a wedding might be a good place for it.
