Thanks SOOOO much for sharing your experience with this. I also agree that the no-O for the long term probably isn't going to work for most couples. You did an excellent job of summing up what I think is the point of the book.
Quote: The book outlines a program to build EC in a slow and steady way by focusing less on genital stimulation and more on heart to heart feelings. The author feels that getting overheated and O-ing produce a biological response which leads to separation.
She believes that the inevitable rush to orgasm short-circuits the EC and the chemistry produced by the body actually creates feelings of separation and wanting to get away. And for the biologists in the group, she goes into quite a bit of detail about the chemistry.
Also- when you mentioned that she says some touch feels giving and some feels grabby to the receiver-- I think that puts a finger (as it were) on the problem of many couples in our group where the poster is the HDH... their wives feel that the touch is emotionally grabby, EVEN IF the husband doesn't want sex at the moment, or is willing to forgo it in the short term... SHE feels that somewhere down the road, the bill will come due. That's not to say there's anything wrong with the guy wanting sex at some point, but that "at some point" in the future is being perceived by the wife IN THE PRESENT.
Whether or not anyone else implements her suggestions, there are some insights here about giving and receiving that would help all of us.
IHJ, you probably DO have your defenses up-- why do I say that? Because *I* would in that sitch-- LOL! (The monologue in my head would be something like: "So when I come to you all turned on and wanting some hot sex, you don't bat an eye, but some recipe in some book has you all mushy-- fine!" or "I'm glad you're touched, but is this puddle of emotion ever going to produce any steam heat?")
