Lil.. I haven't gotten to the " exchanges" part of the book ( Lou, like you I am supposing they are a set of exercises, and also like you, it's going to take me awhile to get through the book). I know I am craving intimacy and like others here, am not confident if I'll get to that place with H. I had a medical scare last week ( fortunately a false alarm) and I think that's fueled my desire to connect. I do feel there is an emotional block I have towards H and although we are having an active sex life, it seems like it's more about my connecting to some good feelings within myself, rather than reaching out for H. We are pushing forward together yet there remains a barrier, and the insight I've had is that barrier isn't solely coming from H...it's coming from me as well.
So last nite we both decided to try being more exploratory with each other...more touchy feely. We said we'd save ML for tonight. I decided I wanted to be a giver and really kiss him, feel him, etc...which I did and he was equally giving to me. We both got so turned on that we did end up ML( he initiated it...I would have stayed on the plan for ML tonight), and he seemed so much more comfortable and flexible ( I am usually here complaining about "same old, same old"). He commented about how we got in our Sat nite lovemaking in ( I guess so that I would know not to expect it again)and we cuddled peacefully and went to sleep. BTW, he didn't O ( that's the new variable) and either did I ( which I really don't care about).
Anyway, today was such a confusing day...I really felt disconnected from him...I did stuff with the kids and he worked...when I came home he was already back doing some yard work and I just felt "dislike" towards him. He was keeping a safe distance. We spoke a little; he took my daughter out; I had this secret urge to O ( using that fantasy brain of mine) which I did and that's where I am right now. Back to fantasy, back to being feeling oriented, back in my safe zone.
So the not O'ing by both of us last nite did not increase the EC today. Perhaps it's the intensity of the sexual experience ( and not the O factor ) that causes us to disengage from each other. He became concerned I would expect our usual sex, and I ( eventually)felt like pulling away...I think because I feel he's not getting this, that it's about connecting. He had to go for the ML, and he had to put a pre-emptive strike for tonight...back to his old ways.
Anyway, later on I am sure we will reconnect and try just the touchy-feely thing again, which is a measure of our commitment to pushing through all the resistance to make this work.
