Oh Mama, Great post! I need the encouragement right now too. I know how to do these things, but lately I have been impatient and irritated, at least inside. I especially like the part about empathy. And also this is really helpful:
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Give some attention to giving your partner what he or she wants. Let go of the fantasy of what you wish the relationship were like, and let yourself enjoy what it actually is.

It is so easy to get caught up in our own wants and needs. But I am quite sure everything will flow quite a lot better if H gets that I am genuinely interested in meeting his needs. And I am! SOMETIMES. Problem is, though, what do you do when you're needy? My tank's been running a little empty lately. Sometimes it's hard to give and focus on H's needs when I'm feeling needy myself. I am so tired too. I feel like I've done a lot of GALing and yet, I am still sad. I can usually turn myself around, but lately I've been low. Maybe I'll just start here:
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Relax. Take in exactly what is really going on between you, instead of always trying, in subtle ways, to affect it, to push it. Let go of the idealized image.

Meanwhile, I'll start with a different kind of "relax" baby step - go take our dog for a walk, be grateful for my beautiful home, my two legs, my dog, the beach.

I will print out your post, Mama. I will pay particular attention to the part about coaching and advising. I have been guilty of this MANY, MANY times. It does not help that I am paid to do those things in my work life... Thank you for these pearls, even if I haven't let them all sink in yet!

PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller