Mama, good week for you. Keep up the good work. It's all nice to read the threads, literature, and feel so dang good about the changes you WANT to make. Then, you DO make them, when things are seemingly easy. For me, the tough part was keeping them up when things were TOUGH, downright horrible. For the most part, I did, and it paid off (well, back then it did).
It's great to see the little progress each day, it adds up, trust me. At first, I didn't think it did, but I went about things anyway....but in just a few weeks, it made a difference to H.
You need to do the same, I know it'll work out. He still likes being home, is nice to you, likes being with you. He is willing to go to counseling....whatever happened to that? You should really follow-through with that request of yours....since he agreed and you asked for it. You don't want him to think it was a 'threat' or manipulative to get him to stop his behaviors....make the appointment, and ask him, again, if he still wants to go, nicely, calmly. If he says yes, then do it and stick with it. Don't make it a punishment, just a way the 2 of you can make this whole mess easier. He's obviously pointing things out to you (sex issue and your anger), so he's not happy either, so just make counseling a way that both of you can sort this out and make the situation better for BOTH of you. Don't make it about "fixing the M" or "convincing H to stop the A and stay in the M."
You go girl. You are REALLY putting the knowledge into action and seeing results. Times will get tough, and you may backslide, but remember 1 thing....you will act angry, or slide...but the difference in the new YOU isn't that you NEVER get angry, rather it's how you handle the anger, how you recover, how you do things differently in a VERY normal situation (disagreement/anger).
I hate the fact that I LOST it when H came out with A stuff.....I regret that now, as it's emblazened in H's mind, again. BUT, I did things differently...I raged, but just for 1 night, not days (which I did before). I had a million questions, I asked a LOT (basic ones), but not too detailed at all (still he felt humiliated me asking anything....tough luck buddy). I actually verbalized understanding his A, his actions, and said lots of loving things then. I backslided a little by pressuring him into deciding to stay in the M, questions, etc. and that was bad, but oh well, I stopped. I was able to, in my anger, articulate lots of questions that led to discussions (not "how could you do this to me" rather "how did this happen, why, for you, H?" which was MUCH more productive).
When he flipped a lid, I validated everything, I listened, I answered questions.
The point here is that you WILL be you...you will be angry, and all those things, BUT, do it differently. He will notice, because he only expects the worst from you now. You may give him the worst, but not for long, and not too much.
