I jumped on the validation band-wagon early in my sitch and it paid IMMEDIATE dividends, especially where it concerned my W feeling comfortable opening up to me. I really think if you make this idea of uncompromising validation before ANY argument happens, you will be a MUCH happier person, and so will the people in your life because when YOU validate, it teaches others to do so as well, kinda becoming a positive communication virus.
Quote: Relaxing or letting go does not mean that you give up what you want; instead, it means to give up your anxiety about what you want.
A book I read awhile back called "The Little Book of Letting Go" was all about this as well. It was REALLY helpful in illustrating how to go from worrying about everything to trying not to. In other words, as the title of that other book goes, don't sweat the small stuff...and it's ALL small stuff.
Quote:
Intention is desire with no attachment to the outcome. you still have your intention, which is a powerful force, and you still have your desire. But you also trust that the best outcome will emerge on its own; it doesn't require you to force or manipulate it. Keep your stron intention, and relax. The more you become attached to one outcome, the more you fear what will happen if you do not get it.
I think this is all about learning to fail with dignity and honor and NOT take it personally. I do think there is a fine line here (gee, what else is new) between not CARING about the outcome, and being overly fixated on it, especially if it goes the "other" way. Learning to learn from failure, and accept it as a natural part of trying your hardest is an extremely hard yet productive thing to learn.
Quote: *Wait. Now you have done all you can, and you need to let nature take its course. While you are waiting, you have to be will to live temporarily in the realm of uncertainty, what Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls called, the "fertile void." Your confusion and lack of resolution may be disturbing and difficult, but you have to be willing to live with this uneasy feeling for a while.
For me, this is all about not being a conflict avoider, i.e. learning to deal with the external and internal conflicts in life with a sense of calm and decided lack of anxiety. I REALLY need to work on this because I still get VERY anxious and pretty much am barren earth as opposed to a "fertile void". I have to think more about this...must learn to do better in conflict.
Quote: *Gracefully accept what you cannot change. Simply stop labeling whatever you don't like a "problem," and start labeling it a "fact of life." It is not your differences but your resistance to difference that causes pain.
I love this. I think it's what I was talking about yesterday when I posted about us trying to be that one person in the crisis who remains calm, even happy because they are SO centered and "together" that they see the current situation as a temporary thing in their life, NOT as their ENTIRE lives as we sometimes do. This is a really good concept for me...and you of course.
Thank you for this post. More to add to my life philosophy.
