I understand how depressed and desperate you feel. I have not posted here in a long time, but have been through an affair and 9-month separation. Although My H and I are back trying to make it work now, there was a time when I was sure it was over. I haven't been following your story very closely, so forgive me if I am out of line.
It might be really over for your relationship, and it may not. But the only way you will make it through is to not lose hope and faith in YOURSELF. I can tell you that in my darkest days, the only way I could go on was to stop focusing on every thing about US and HIM, and to realize that it might be over but I must go on. For me, that meant going away from this messageboard for a while because it was just too much rehashing. Try to find what works for you.
PLEASE, PLEASE. DO NOT punish yourself for backsliding and not being so great at DB all the time. You must LET GO and forgive yourself, and maybe even forgive him one day. YOu will get through this. OF course you are terribly depressed. That is normal. If you are sick and really can't get through, please call your doctor and consider antidepressants. It is time to take care of YOU. That does not mean there will never be a YOU and him, but you have to realize that that might not be within your control right now. Hold on tight, and keep us posted.
