More journaling.... Ok, clearly my H is heavily involved with OW. He is only still here because of finances, but eventually that will not matter to him and he will reach his breaking point and leave and not look back. I now have to think about myself, my future and my children and be prepared for this day. I am going to aggressively start looking for a job, one that I can work nights. I am no longer going to pursue a relationship with my H - he does not want one with me. I need to get my ducks in a row. I am going to keep very busy. Kids and I are going to start a little craft club for their friends. We are working on the brochures today. I am also going to work on little projects around my house that I have put off. Basically I am going to "act as if" my H is already gone.
Where I think his head is at, Well, if he could easily leave he would. I think because of our financial situation, he is not prepared to leave...yet. So, he would like to live here with us with me as his friend and then have a love R with the OW. In other words have his cake and eat it too. But this will not last forever, eventually he WILL leave to be with her. I need to be ready for that. I will not be able to afford our house so I need to get it ready for the time that I will have to put in on the market. I am going to check out rent costs in the area as I would like my kids to stay in the same school with their same friends. I am going to look into daycare costs, etc.
I am not going to call H anymore during the day, if he calls me I will be pleasant, as I would to anyone who calls me. I am not going to bring up counseling as it would be a futile attempt to reconcile which CANNOT be done with OW in the picture. I have to trust that whatever happens, I will be ok.
