It appears I've lost him. He still loves me deeply, but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. (Anyone actually, but even that's not much comfort). He says that ending he marriage is what he needs to save the good feelings he still has for me and allow them to grow. I have to assume he means friendship now. The marriage has to end. In two months we will be eligible for divorce. I guess that's where we're going.I can't believe it after everything that's happened, and how close we've gotten to reconciling. I feel like we've been doing really well considering all the OW stuff has put us both on such shaky ground at times.
I'm so sick. And I can't say much about my state of mind. I know this is weak of me, but I can't accept it is over. So many times it has been my failure DBing, that I couldn't say with honesty that I KNOW I'll be ok no matter what. I've tried to get there, best I can. But I just don't want it to be over, and I thought he could see possibilities too. I don't know what to do with myself and my thoughts are in a bad place. I thought he was at least going to give me a chance. To listen and try to meet his needs, too. I wasn't asking for a decision. Last week, I thought he was seeing the positives, making an effort. And he says he does, but he says every time he tries to find the romantic place to work from, it feels unnatural and wrong to him. That's so awful. He says he has to be alone. Which is what he said weeks ago, and I was really doing my best recently to respect his space.
He said last week he wanted a couple of nights to talk and I really think I let go of expectation. I didn't expect this though, I thought talking would be talking. I botched it bad, too, I've been a wreck all night, stayed with him. I let him see all the pain, and I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to do.
Can this be turned around? I feel like it was my last chance. I know there's no point wishing, but I do wish he could suspend these things, and make decisions later.
Please help. This is one of the worst days of my life.
LeeP
[This message has been edited by LeeP (edited 08-02-2001).]
