GH and Mama--this is so tough, I understand, especially if the flame was out long ago. H and I were definately more affectionate in our initial years, pre-M, but who isn't, right? We were affectionate through M....but after the bomb dropped, it stopped from H and I got the cheek all the time, and he NEVER initiated.
Then, after OW was out of the picture AND he started turning back around toward me, his affections started slowly. The last few weeks, it's been great, lots of initiation by him (still not like before)....but, he had a lot of guilt on his shoulders and also, frankly, things ARE awkward (well, my sitch has taken a drastic turn).
I had this rule: reach out with affection ONLY if you're not expecting anything. Be consistent with your efforts--not hot/cold. Know when not to push...ex: reach out only when they are not 'trapped' or can't move away, and when you can't act casual and normal about it. Ex: I stopped the cuddles in bed (b/c if H was uncomfortable, he could not get out, and I could not be casual....maybe did a small rub on back instead that was like a pat that I ended in 2 seconds)....but, I did the quick pats/hugs as we brushed by, which were quick and over. You move on and don't dwell on it. Make it normal.
This is so tough. We also have to realize that what prevents THEM from responding is a lot of walls they have up now....so no matter what WE do, it may not make a difference unless they're ready to accept. Still try, in non-threatening ways.
GH--I agree with you...stop before it even LOOKS like it leads to something else. Like, a hug as you're passing by and walk away after, with a smile. Again, the words are important too, esp. for women, it means very much like intimacy.
I think the most important thing with our WAS at this point is that anything we do, WE act comfortable. If not, it seems pressuring, and like you're making a point of the whole issue.
