Mama and GH....the only thing I can think of for both of you is to use the same tactics that work for each of us here, whatever our barrier issues are. Take small steps toward the goal. No doubt you're doing this already.
By that I mean, sometimes, without even knowing, we stop a lot of forms of physical contact, not just things we normally associate with sex. Start these again. Ex: a pat on the shoulder when you're in close proximity or laugh together. A touch/sqeeze of the hand. Touching/cuddling in bed. Brushing of hair with hands, touching the face. Laying your head in their lap, leaning against them while watching TV. Little things.
Then, move to the moves that are more intimate that are not leading to sex (GH, this is big for you, since W complained about this....ALSO, you did this once and had GREAT results....be patient and keep it up...build the foundation solid). Little kisses. Hugs from behind. Holding hands. Massages. You get it. Keep this up for a while, make it normal. Even if they don't initiate, you keep it up and see how they become much more comfortable. Do it in a way that you make it clear that it does NOT have to lead to sex (so back off before they do).
Right now, both your partners know that sex is the 'issue.' at hand, esp. They're also feeling badly that it's hard with you, but they found OP to satisfy these needs. It's hard to turn it on without feeling fake or contrived. Add to that their guilt over the A. So, again, it's up to YOU to let YOUR guard down and do the work.
GH....speaking personally, it's nice when my H makes eye contact, tells me I'm pretty (sincerely), and looks me up and down and compliments my clothes, jewelry, etc. I know you do this, but keep it up.
