The platonic relationship continues Part 2

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Mama, I suspect that the reason for the A wasn't entirely the lack of sex life, but making time for sex and intimacy is important. I do not know exactly where you and your H are in your sitch in terms of "readiness" to be together, but surely you will need to have a talk about spending quality time together (without the kids!) at some point to help things along. Harley recommends 12 hours a week of dedicated time with your spouse in a HEALTHY marriage (just the two of you - no kids, no one else), 20 - 25 if the M is unhealthy and needs help. So first you might need to look to see what changes you could make in your life and schedule, to make quality alone time with your H available. Then I imagine some acknowledgement (again) that you'd like to open this door with him - what would he need to be comfortable and open to it?

Lack of sex was a problem which led to my H's affair also (although I am clear it was not the only reason). A big factor that I see was a lack of privacy. Our home (in the midst of remodeling) needs curtains and we didn't want to get new window coverings until the new windows were put in. Also the dog and the cat traipsing through our bedroom. Then our intense work schedules, etc. Family coming on the weekends, and our place is small without real doors on the bedroom... So, we ended up ML when we travelled and stayed in hotels. Wasn't often enough, I can tell you that! I realize now that you need to make your home a refuge for your man. Create sacred space for you and him to be together, and keep intruders out of your partnership space and time. I realize I am a long way off from that at this point, but I am actively working on recreating my home space to be welcoming to ML It gives me something to do, and a hopeful goal. Also, setting boundaries around "my" time which is new for me. Doing that, Mama, will also allow you to know how to set boundaries around your couples time. For example, maybe the kids need to be in their own rooms or in bed by 8pm each night so you can have an hour in bed to cuddle with your man before he needs to sleep. Just some thoughts. I just know for me, creating the space and environment that welcomes romance can open it up.

I am with you mama! I want you to be successful! and I will be waiting for the day you said you "did it" and it was great