My last thread has been locked up for days, I actually didn't know cause I have been posting on everyone else's thread except my own.
Will have to figure out how to link again.
As an update to my current sitch. I have been doing really good. H has some unaccounted for time for the past couple of days - I'm not obsessing or freaking out over it. Why not you ask, cause what good would that do? I have resisted the urge to check up on his cell phone and have not questioned him when he does come home - I am acting "as if". It really works wonders. We are back to hugging, long tight ones where he rubs his hand up and down my back.
This morning before he left for work I asked him "I was very close to joining you in the shower, what would you have done?" He says "at first I would have freaked out, but I would have liked it" For those who don't know, we have not had a physical R since last October. So now you know what my next obsession is going to be - I will be in that shower before the weekend is over
Now, let me dig out my "firm, flat abs" DVD for a little toning and I will definitely be heading to the mall to hit V-Secret today. When and if we do get together, I want it to be unforgettable - all advice welcome. Wish me luck!
You sound GREAT! I hope you "get clean" soon. I would love to get that kind of "hint" from my W. I am sick right now so the only hints I am getting from her is to stay away! Lol.
Hey there, found you! I don't have any advice, except to say that, for me, a trip to V-Secret is fun, whether or not anyone else gets to see your purchase. It is definately a feel good for yourself move, too.
Ok, went to the mall, but just bought stuff for my kids. H called us at 12:30 (after he got off of work) and said he was going to stop for a beer and would be home around 3:30 - 4:00. It is now 9:43 and no sign of the guy. We are going out of town tomorrow, although now I am so pissed that I don't want to go anymore, so when he comes home he will sing the same old song and dance, "drank too much and fell asleep in his car....".
My blood is boiling....I know I say to NOT react to my emotions but come on, when is enough, enough. By him doing this he is basically telling me, without actually telling me, that me and the kids do not matter to him. I really want to tell him to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you all think? DB or not DB, that is the question!
Mama, I know how frustrated you are, but it really seems that your sitch is making progress. It would be easy for me to say not to let your emotions about tonight affect you too much, but I'm emotional myself tonight, so that would be pretty hypocritical.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Hi MamaBear, I have been waiting for your new thread, and it appears just in time Hang in there mama! I know it is frustrating when the H's backtrack, do stupid things we don't like etc. Based upon my results the past two days, all I can say is DB and manage your emotions! My H is not making good decisions, but it has totally worked against me to spotlight them with him. Do your best to be cheery, find something good he has done or is doing to focus on, or at the very least, manage some silence when you want to lash out, and to do something good for yourself.
Also, when someone drinks, they are not really present - literally their growth and development stops whenever they are drinking. In other words, if someone drinks often enough they can stay adolescent forever Try to encourage the behavior you want to see by focusing on that only. Ignore as much as possible what doesn't work. [I guess I should read and heed my own advice sometimes too...]
And next time you go to the mall, I prescribe double the shopping for you. See if you can trade some babysitting with someone and go with a girlfriend or at least without the kids. I can tell you my new thong underwear has done wonders for my self esteem even if I'm not getting any action. Just knowing it's there... I, like you, spent years letting my children come first. All that happened for me in that regard, is that my H saw me as a mother but not as a lover. You can do this Mama. BTW, I read your thread all the time. I know it is really hard sometimes. Really. But, we are with you, and I am definitely rooting for you.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
MamaBear, don't have much to add, except that I think you should keep DBing, it is for you, remember? To give you what you need to get through these hard times, regardless of the outcome with your H.
Any updates to Saturday and the rest of the weekend? Go out of town? Let us know how you're doing. Inquiring minds want to know.
I have found that it's only when you get absolutely to wits end, swearing that you can't do this for 1 more minute, that things come around a little, and you realize that you CAN do it for another minute. Damn.
Just continue to detach. Remember, NO expectations....NOTHING. You are detached, not expecting anything, he is a friend....no disappointments. It's hard when you have kids who need their dad, and I can understand that too.
Try to encourage the behavior you want to see by focusing on that only. Ignore as much as possible what doesn't work. [I guess I should read and heed my own advice sometimes too...]
