My posts have been a little disjointed lately. Sorry gang. I have up and down a bit, but I think more Up than Down – that’s good.
I wanted to try something out on you guys...
H says he’s ready to open up the dialogue more. He seems to have gotten himself to a better place. We talked a little this morning about “how to talk about ow”. We have both been nervous to bring it up, I want to go at his pace. I have been worried, too, that talking about her will make him miss her more. I even told him that. Is there any good time to do this? He says he is ready to do it. We had talked about this kind of “immunity” conversation. Not a one-time-thing only, but a chance for him to be honest and not be afraid of how I’ll react. And for me to ask whatever I need to know. Not for the faint hearted, I know. I really hope it will bridge a gap, if we do it right.
I don’t know what experiences you guys have had out there about pictures, cards, objects, but I told him that I think I would like him to show me some of that, tell me the stories. He was pretty shocked by that, but not scared off. He thinks it is “big” of me to want to see that. I explained that I think it will make it more tangible. I don’t want there to be things in the house that I am afraid to find. And I don’t want to feel like there are so many parts of him that are closed off in secret. Until this point in our relationship, I really thought I knew ALL his stories, I knew all about him. It used to make us both feel comforted. I want to believe that we can have that again.
We agree that we won’t do this on my birthday (had a laugh over that). But soon.
