UGH. I am feeling really down and am having a real difficult focusing on anything other than the messed up path my life and M are on. I can hardly wait until I am in my own place so that I won't have to know that my W is going out with "a friend" and is going to be out really late, like tonight. It's all none of my business. And, yes GH, I know that I don't know anything about what she is up to; that I am only mind reading, which is NEVER good.
I understand that she is playing the hand that I dealt her. It's sucks nonetheless. I am very sad today. I know I'll pull myself together.
I just hate being on this emotional rollercoaster. I hate what I have done to my W, to my M, to my children, to myself. I know that my sadness and guilt won't erase my A nor the damage/hurt that I have caused. I am just feeling overwhelmed today.
My W told me that she spoke with our D about our D's behavior and my W told me that she heard my D tell her that she (my D) doesn't have any rules with mommy. I had already told my W that, but my W didn't believe me (I see what your are saying GH). I am the enemy, mostly.
My W is on her own family and self-destructive path and I can't do anything directly to stop the process. She views me as the enemy and is running away hard to PROVE to herself that what she is doing is right. I believe that, at some point, reality will set in for her. I pray that I will not have turned out the lights and locked to the door to my heart and mind from her. I am working very hard to prevent that from happening. I love her. I love my family. I long for restoration, redemption, and reconciliation.
I am looking for emotional and spiritual support, as my W has, at least temporarily, sapped my strengh and determination. Any support you all can lend me would be greatly appreciated.
