I should buy a lottery ticket I am so darn intuitive. My W stayed out til 11:30 PM. In the past I would have let her know that I was upset, smelled her breath for alcohol, left abruptly in a huff. Tonight, NO such reaction. I was pleasant, smiled, talked with her a bit and then told her I had to go.
I thanked her for our talk ealier in the evening and made no further mention of OR. I did ask about me having our children when I get my new place this month and we discussed it for a min then I again said I had to go and left.
Also, in the past I would have said I KNEW who she was out with and WHAT she was up to, but then Grasshopper would have jumped on me telling me if I wasn't there I KNOW NOTHING! So...I know nothing and I'll leave the mind reading and crystal ball gazing to someone else. I feel sane doing it that way anyway.
I did have a feeling that she would come back more aloof and in control of her feelings at the end of the night. But, that's OK. It didn't feel like a kick in the n*ts; in the gut yes, but in the n*ts no. I'll still chalk our talk up as a positive. Again, I know it may be nothing more than a pleasant experience/memory. That would not be what I want, but it's still a step in a positive direction and that would be OK.
Well, back to DBing my a$$ off. This weekend is my weekend with our children. I have 2 parties for our D on Saturday. It will be a fun weekend. We'll do the parties, go to the park, and keep busy keeping my focus off of my M and on our children. I'm going to have so much fun with them. I think we're going to have a picnic.
I know I only have control over my DBing efforts and turning the future of my life and my M over to the Lord.
I don't think I am going to loan my W that book unless she asks me for it. I'll have it in my car, just in case. Do you think that would be best from a DB standpoint? All of this feels like new territory, but I know I am still in the same sinking boat. DBing and prayer is the only way to save my M, I know that. D*mn, I need a bigger bucket to bail out this water faster.
Well, again, thank you all for listening. My DB brethren is saving my sanity. I love you all.
We will certainly see if I am smooth after all, Amy. help me keep my rudder pointed in the right direction. The ship is moving, at least. It's my job to take that momentum and steer us in the right direction with Michelle's and the Lord's navigation. And yours, Amy, of course. You too GH.
