WOW!! I decided to take the plunge after having a LENGTHY discussion with my W regarding our treatment of each other, both in the past and lately. She brought up the D papers and I figured now was as good time as any to talk with her about OR because she was talking about finalizing the D papers.
I was afraid to go forward, but what did I have to lose? I followed my friend's advice to talk about our encouraging, positive interactions lately, i.e. her asking for my opinion about rekindling past soured friendships, and our D renewing a bad relationship. Additionally, I have begun putting my foot down and saying NO when I meant NO and actually voicing my opinion, wants, and needs to her. You know, being a man. Imagine that!
We talked about our past failed counseling sessions and what went wrong in those. I told her that during our crisis I have read more about relationships and M than at any other time in my life. I also told her that, from the beginning people have asked me, if your W came to you and asked you to come home right now, what would you say? I told her that I had told them all the same thing, "I would tell her to go and see a counselor and talk to me again about it in a month." I also told her that I would not take our old M back with no hope of change; that that is a recipe for disaster. She agreed. I continued by telling her that we did not need a D to have a NEW marriage; we could make it new by keeping all of the positive parts and working in a solution-oriented way to fix what wasn't positive. She listened intently. Remember, I loaned her the DB book awhile back and she still has it.
She told me that she loves me in a mature deep way that she never fully realized until my disaster came to light. She also said that people who are truly in love would not D over an A. Hmmm..... Shetold me that she also realized that we have a ton of compatibility and that our level of compatibility you can't find just anywhere. She also said that "training" someone to treat you in the manner in which you wish to be treated takes time and it's a sucks to think about starting over. "Training" someone takes years, she says. Again, hmmmm....
We then talked about her sexual issues and why her interest faded dramatically during our M. I already believe I know, but steered the conversation in a different direction. I told her that in my "research" about M, I had recently ordered/received a book that touched on sex and M and would loan it to her. She was agreeable. In fact, I have recently received a TON of material on M.
She asked me why I love her and I gave her a long list of her wonderful attributes. In finishing the list, I said, "Oh yeah, and in case I haven't mentioned it already, you are stunningly beautiful." I knew I hadn't mentioned it already.
By now, I arrive at the house to be with our children and I can tell she is crying softly (we were still on the phone). I go into the house and give her a soft hug and compliment her on how nice she looked. She allows me to hug her and hugs me back. THAT was my first intimate touch of her in almost 4 months.
Maybe I am reading too much into this, but it sounds like she may be softening her heart towards me. What that will mean in the long run, who knows? Tonight she went out to dinner. I don't ask her about her activities cuz I don't want to know the particulars, again for my own sanity.
Now, it is up to me to play it cool and work on not be a DBing fool. Work with me people, please! I will continue to post and I hope to hear from all who have proper perspective, positive, insightful, and encouraging cheerleading. I am in the hands of my DB brethren and God. Give of yourself, please. Help me work my role in my life properly and reap the rewards of my DB work. I need an Oscar for this performance. Nothing else will do.
Nothing else will do.