Poison

[Greeneyedlass]

Balto,

Hey it's my outlook on things. She asked for someone to say something different....so I did. It's what I remind myself of when "I" am down. It's not so saccharin sweet, it's my observations.

I choose to remind myself of what I have when I feel like I'm being dragged down. It's what gives me the strength to get up and keep trying.

GEL

[Baltoman]

I know. I'm just teasing...

[Greeneyedlass]

I know you were Balto....no worries.

GEL

[karen1]

Corri,

Many people have honestly pointed out when they thought that H was handing me a load of bs. Sometimes it did help to sort things out. There is a difference between pointing out an incidence of spousal bs and bashing a spouse. If you will look back a few days you will note that I pointed out a lot of ways that I have seen Mrs. Chrome working on things. Don't use one incidence as an example of my general posting style. I didn't bash anyone.

Secondly, your perspective is very valuable and I have always appreciated it whether or not I particularly agreed. If we are going to bash those who have divorced and suggest that they don't have insight then I guess I am right in that camp with you and as I recall, HD is too.

Thirdly, I AM working on myself and my attitude and occasionally I need a place where I can be unflinchingly honest because goodness knows I can't quite do that in the situation I am in. Since when is honesty bitching? It becomes bitching if we don't get over it and try something else. The atmosphere in my house is difficult right now. If I thought it would always be that way I wouldn't bother posting at all I would just give up.

Corri, I understand that several of the R's on the board have had some downturns lately and that whining won't help BUT whining a little and then regrouping is often necessary. I don't mind you pointing out some of our personal frailties - goodness knows we all have them but being harsh about it isn't always helpful either.

Karen

[Corri]

Karen:

I don't mind you pointing out some of our personal frailties - goodness knows we all have them but being harsh about it isn't always helpful either.

Point taken. Didn't mean to be harsh, all. My apologies if my shoes were a bit too pointy.

As for venting... gosh, kids... really. Everyone vents. It's healthy. That was not what I was talking about. It's really more what Stig pointed out than any one particular post.

And I think what Fran illustrated in her posting cycle is what we are all guilty of... to a more or lesser degree. This place IS addictive...

Corri

[karen1]

Yup - agreed it is addictive. Usually, in a good way but sometimes it does allow us to whine without action.

Karen

[Stigmata]

CeMar,

I'm not sure if putting everything into "LD versus HD boxes" might not be holding you back? I know that this is a SSM forum, but I'm wondering if there may be other ways to look at the situation that might help get you unstuck. Something a little less black or white, with nothing else in between.

- Jamesjohn. Yes, I think you are hitting on one facet of CeMar's ongoing difficulties.

I have always ranted against any form of lableing on this site and IRL and I only use HD/LD/ND for clarity. To me labels can be convenient accessing cues for OP to pigeonhole themselves and get lazy; ie:

"I'm LD. that's just the way I am and I can't help it. You're HD. Maybe we're just too incompatible."

BS.

It's also why I have problems with other such self-limiting terminology as, "Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic" for OP who have kicked the habit successfully yet are encouraged to remind themselves of their "disease."

Oh, really? Hmm, so you started drinking at 20 and it all fell apart through your alcoholism.

So who were you before the age of 20? Oh? Not an alcoholic? Guess what, you're not one today anymore either. Hmmmm, interesting how we can unlearn a learned behavior without having to be branded with a negative association/label, isn't it?

Excuse the tangent. In the case of CeMar I think he's so focused on reading rejection clues from his W in terms of what he wants out of his SL that he's not, as you stated, able to see "other ways to look at the situation that might help get you (CeMar) unstuck."

Let me put it this way.

It's as if each morning CeMar gets his cup of coffee and takes out his big book he's trying to read that is written in koine greek. Stares and stares with intensity then posts to the BB how frustrated he is that he cannot understand the text...because he does not know the language. Wash, rinse, repeat.

On the other hand, his W is sitting on the couch behind him and she speaks koine greek fluently. In fact, if he looked, he'd see the inside cover of the book has been graciously translated into English by someone actually. It reads:

"The Way To My Heart"

And further down there it is....the author:

Mrs. CeMar.

In my opinion the less black and white thing you suggest he try and find would be for him to turn the clock back on his R mentally. Remind himself what made him attractive to W when they first fell in love and try and find that person once again that she found to be so appealing.

That and to remove his perspective from himself and place it behind/over W's shoulder to see how she sees CeMar's approaches from her eyes/viewpoint and what might be going on in her thought process in terms of his desireability as an M and H. Dunno. I still root for him to one day get unstuck I guess.

Maybe I'm crazy.

-Stigmata-

[LustForLife]

agreed it is addictive. Usually, in a good way but sometimes it does allow us to whine without action.


I'll second that.
And hopefully instead of whine with inaction I can convince my H try some wine with action instead. Lol
Preferably red wine and chocolate first.

My apologies to Corri if I came off pissy.
See, I've got a hot temper at times. Poor H.

I'm working on it though.

Have a great holiday weekend everybody!
It's supposed to reach 80 degrees here this weekend.
Sweet summer!!! Might have to bust out the kiddie pool.

[Jamesjohn]

I have always ranted against any form of lableing on this site and IRL and I only use HD/LD/ND for clarity. To me labels can be convenient accessing cues for OP to pigeonhole themselves and get lazy; ie:

"I'm LD. that's just the way I am and I can't help it. You're HD. Maybe we're just too incompatible."

Maybe one way to find a good middle ground for change is to re-clarify HD and LD. Instead of High and Low Desire, we could look at is as Higher and Lower Desire?

This might help to shift the focus from trying to change yourself and/or your partner from high to low, or low to high, as the case may be. Instead, you might be able to work more on your "timing", and catching and creating more opportune moments. I think that these times may come along more often than we realize, and we might just be pissing them away.

[Jamesjohn]

P.S. There may often be times, too, when there are shifts between who is actually the lower or higher desire partner. It "could" possibly vary at any given time, and under various circumstances. But again, if there's a lot of "pigeon holing" going on, this may go unnoticed. This might be something to pay more attention to in your relationship.