Poison

[Stigmata]

CeMar,

I'm not sure if putting everything into "LD versus HD boxes" might not be holding you back? I know that this is a SSM forum, but I'm wondering if there may be other ways to look at the situation that might help get you unstuck. Something a little less black or white, with nothing else in between.

- Jamesjohn. Yes, I think you are hitting on one facet of CeMar's ongoing difficulties.

I have always ranted against any form of lableing on this site and IRL and I only use HD/LD/ND for clarity. To me labels can be convenient accessing cues for OP to pigeonhole themselves and get lazy; ie:

"I'm LD. that's just the way I am and I can't help it. You're HD. Maybe we're just too incompatible."

BS.

It's also why I have problems with other such self-limiting terminology as, "Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic" for OP who have kicked the habit successfully yet are encouraged to remind themselves of their "disease."

Oh, really? Hmm, so you started drinking at 20 and it all fell apart through your alcoholism.

So who were you before the age of 20? Oh? Not an alcoholic? Guess what, you're not one today anymore either. Hmmmm, interesting how we can unlearn a learned behavior without having to be branded with a negative association/label, isn't it?

Excuse the tangent. In the case of CeMar I think he's so focused on reading rejection clues from his W in terms of what he wants out of his SL that he's not, as you stated, able to see "other ways to look at the situation that might help get you (CeMar) unstuck."

Let me put it this way.

It's as if each morning CeMar gets his cup of coffee and takes out his big book he's trying to read that is written in koine greek. Stares and stares with intensity then posts to the BB how frustrated he is that he cannot understand the text...because he does not know the language. Wash, rinse, repeat.

On the other hand, his W is sitting on the couch behind him and she speaks koine greek fluently. In fact, if he looked, he'd see the inside cover of the book has been graciously translated into English by someone actually. It reads:

"The Way To My Heart"

And further down there it is....the author:

Mrs. CeMar.

In my opinion the less black and white thing you suggest he try and find would be for him to turn the clock back on his R mentally. Remind himself what made him attractive to W when they first fell in love and try and find that person once again that she found to be so appealing.

That and to remove his perspective from himself and place it behind/over W's shoulder to see how she sees CeMar's approaches from her eyes/viewpoint and what might be going on in her thought process in terms of his desireability as an M and H. Dunno. I still root for him to one day get unstuck I guess.

Maybe I'm crazy.

-Stigmata-