I don't know what is with this board lately, but I do not think I can recall any one time that I've been here that I've seen such consistent negativity, complaining, b!tching, and just overall piss poor attitudes. From darn near EVERYONE.
If that is the case, might I suggest you all take a break for awhile and regain some normalcy and equilibrium in your owns lives... get away for awhile and just 'be,' so that you all stop 'feeding' one another's misery. Jesus, this place has turned into a 'whine' center, instead of the place of hope and refuge we normally provide to one another.
KNOCK IT OFF PEOPLE!!! You are sucking the life force right out of one another.
Is there ONE person out there... who can find a flippin' reason to SMILE for godsakes?
Awww, come on Corri Why so drained? I for one have been smiling and I'm still dealing with all my sh!t. I like this board. It feels good to talk to other people in similar situations. Cobra just brought up similar comments on Brian's thread. I'm well aware we all use this board to complain sometimes. So what? This isn't a therapy group. It's a support group (sort of). We don't really know each other from a hill of beans. We make each other laugh, cry, and lots more. If people need to "stay postitive" and/or "work on serious FOO issues" non-stop, then maybe this isn't the board for THEM. I tend to like all the different perspectives and "camps" if you will, but I don't want to live in one camp or the other, I like to jump around. My 2 cents.
I'm not drained, sweety. But if it looks like sh!t, and it smells like sh!t... chances are...
Venting is one thing. And to CLAIM venting is one thing. But getting stuck in endless cycles of venting, and feeding and encouraging the venting, to me, is a very dangerous mind set. The ganged up 'spouse bashing' here is enough to make my blood run cold.
You, asbolutely, are entitled to your opinion. Got no problem with it. I don't like what I'm seeing here, at least compared to historical observation of this BB. And that is MY opinion.
Hey, vent. Feed one aonther's misery and piss-poor frames of mind. Have at it. No sweat off my back.
Quote: I, for one, love 95% of my life. I just hate, with vehemence the 5% that is my non-existent love life.
Then stop focusing 95% of your energy on that 5% of your life. Let it go for awhile. Pull back. Gain perspective. Recharge. Do something more constructive with that 95% energy.
You are much too beautiful a soul to stay in 'the pit' wallowing around like you are.
I'm actually in a pretty good mood myself. I just got laid and I am fairly hopeful about our upcoming MC appointment. I mean I'm kind of annoyed about my H's stupid coffee machine note but as I noted in my post, I'm mostly just amused that new appliances is the number one thing he wants in our marriage right now.
The funny thing is I actually think it can be productive in the long run to have somebody else tell you that your situation seems hopeless because then you're forced to ask yourself "Is that true? What else could I do? What haven't I tried?". I mean I think we are all hoping for some sort of long term resolution to our problems (for instance, I, for one, would be quite thrilled if my H would agree to and maintain just about any sort of scheduled sex arrangement so that I could have some sort of reasonable ability to expect and anticipate sex on a regular basis. It wouldn't be my sexual ideal but I am a reasonable person and would do my damndest to make it work on my end.)but it doesn't really do any good and can in fact be counter-productive to paste on a happy face when we know that we haven't really reached a solution. I mean sometimes a bad attitude can produce or compound a bad situation but irrational optimism has its downside too. Believe me. I know.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I have but then I've been told that I am just retreating back to my "comfort zone" of non-confrontation with H. Well, perhaps I am. Perhaps I'm not. The fact is, I'm too weak for the fray right now.
But getting stuck in endless cycles of venting, and feeding and encouraging the venting, to me, is a very dangerous mind set. The ganged up 'spouse bashing' here is enough to make my blood run cold.
I agree with this, too much venting is dangerous. I think I have a pretty good balance. I don't think I "spouse-bash". I've said many times my H is a great guy, best friend, on and on. This a SSM message board. That means, most of us ARE MARRIED WITH LITTLE TO NO SL. That can be very frustrating! We are b!itching about that more than anything. People who truly do not like their S's should probably not even be on this board. The problem is not the SL. Hey, vent. Feed one aonther's misery and piss-poor frames of mind. Have at it. No sweat off my back.
Well, clearly it is sweat off your back or you wouldn't have VENTED that way just now. So there!
There is a difference between 'no sweat off my back,' and pointing out to you all what I am seeing.
I'll give you a few examples.
Mojo showed up here again after a hiatus bringing vision and advice. Her PMA was sky high. She was offering solutions based upon success she had found.
Within a matter of weeks, her PMA has plummeted, her success and vision she found all but forgotten, and she is in the 'am I getting sex' cycle again, contemplating getting out of her M.
The spouse bashing I am talking about here is not of people's own spouses, but of other peoples' spouses... i.e., Mrs. Chrome and Mrs. HD. Tell me how convincing Chrome and HD that their situations are indeed hopeless are helping either one of them?
LFL, instead of encouraging Brian to hang with his C and give him some time to understand WHY his shrink has taken the tact that he has, you come out and say that Cs who wield 2 x 4s can sometimes cause more damage than help.
Really. I am going to assume that this C has plenty of education and experience to draw a professional conclusion and follow a course of action that he found reasonable and just. Giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, I'd encourage Brian to hang with the guy for a bit longer, rather than encourage suspicion of his C's motives at this point. What purpose does it serve anyone, including yourself, to aid Brian's misery, and further justify any semblance of dissatisfaction?
Lil and I have both recently posted here book recommendations that we found personally enlightening. You and Karen both continue to state how you are tired of reading, tired of yet 'another book.' Fine. They are your opinions... why pee on other people's parades? What do YOU gain out of popping up and b!tching on other people's threads... who are just trying to offer some hope?
Karen... I understand you are feeling weak and tired. And because I love you dearly, I am going to tell you to knock it off. That PMA is only going to feed your feelings of futility and misery. Take baby steps. Find your spunk. Find your reason to be happy. Adjust yourself any way you can, and if you need help in doing that... ask. But for the love of God, stop b!tching. You are SO beyond that.
AND actually, now that I think about it, you didn't exactly make Mr.Corri sound like a "bucketful of rainbows" as I recall back when you were posting about your marriage. When it comes to what I am posting about my H, since I am generally an optimistic person about most things, it would be kind of odd if my marriage were the one thing about which I tend to be irrationally pessimistic. I mean, even if you took everything that I have posted about my marriage with a whole cup full of salt, would you personally have any interest in trading places with me?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
