I have read the book "After the Affair" and I gave it to H not long ago (casually). Now I want to read it again!
Well, the weekend was hard. I ended up seeing many people I had not seen since my H left, and what a weird time to be seeing them now! Have to go through reliving the bad stuff a little with them, and not really able to go into the good stuff of late.
Know what? I have let this latest development (H breaking up with ow and has backed off to deal with it) send me into a spin. I mean it's been 6 days, what should I really be expecting from him. I have not been DBing well. I have pushed and pressured a little, not been "acting as if", shown him my fear and confusion and generally been acting the opposite of how I want to be with him. I know full well that he is messed up and I need to be careful. I find I'm very disappointed in myself. I cried all day yesterday thinking that I am going to fail at this, now, after all this progress. The fear of trusting the baby steps which SHOULD be a defense mech (thanks IMP) is really a destructive force right now. I need to get back that confidence that this will all work out. It was giving me patience.
Before bedtime, H called just to say goodnight and to say he knows I am having a hard time too, and should not be hard on myself. "we'll start from now as day one" was his idea. Baby stap number one and I am grateful.
I have to make the best of this chance and be smarter about this.
