With all due respect to your "different" opinion, I have to echo RB's sentiment.
Quote: does that mean you stop going to church because you have a differing opinion or slant on one particular area of the churches structure?
No, but if you are a christian and you decide that you don't believe in the 10 commandments or Jesus, then I suppose you may want to investigate another religion.
Quote: I think you have EVERY right to know all the dirt, including what took place when she went off to see this person to create the three month cooling off period.
Again, I agree that there are MANY different ways to go about this kind of thing, but asking about, or digging up "dirt" on the affair is not only a "different slant" but the opposite of what DB is all about. DB is about focusing on self and not letting the affair rule your life. If they choose to continue it, give it time to either die or not. The point is to work on yourself, not on the affair, so that IF/WHEN they come back, they are comming back because there is something to be back for, not because they felt forced to.
Quote: Sorry, but her agreeing not to see this person for a period of three months is NOT ENDING the affair, and that in and of itself should be sending you some clear signals that it's time to see a very good divorce attorney, and when you do, take no prisoners.
Ok, this does not jive well with your later post where you soften up a bit. "Take no prisoners"? You are clearly advocating an agressive stance, again, perfectly valid, but opposite of DB in most cases.
Quote: If you need to talk about the affair to understand it, then she owes it to you to come completely clean on just went on, and how it happened in the first place. If she's not willing to do that, kick her to the curb.
Um, she OWES him nothing. She may CHOOSE, because of their history, guilt, or sudden honoring of her vows, to tell him certain things but she OWES him nothing but a divorce in the event that she's unhappy. Your entire approach is to try to force her to comply with her marriage vows and short of that, kick her a$$ out. Again, that MAY work, but it's not at all compatible with DB.
Quote: in fact, it actually could be used as a really good tool of leverage in bringing the cheating spouse to their senses, force them to open their eyes and evaluate their own behaviors and options.
Leverage, force, tools. Again, you are advocating the "other" way of doing this, through heavy handed tactics that often backfire in my experience. Your experience may be different, which I fully accept.
All I am saying is that how you deal with an affair is NOT a religion, nor is DB, but these few fundamental ideals that we try to follow here, no snooping, no relationship talks, and no focusing on the affair, are all things you want him to dismiss in favor of things that rank up there at the top of the "don't do" list in DB.
