An update...

Got back from the weekend away (the concert was awesome ). H called soon after I got in. He had just dropped ow off at the airport. He broke things off with her.

He wanted to let me know right away.

It was a tough thing for him, I know. He said he was tempted to invite me right over, but didn't want to - but then he invited me to a movie anyway We went to a kids movie- was a nice time- it was the first time we've been to a movie theater together in 8 months since this all started.

Now, he says his idea now is to take 2 or 3 months to work on himself, get more counselling, read the "After the Affair" book I gave him (and get over ow) and take baby steps with me. Also to work on the debt he incurred going to see ow all the time.
Then in the fall we would start looking for a new house to move to. In his words this might take longer or it might be shorter. And he is a little worried about time-pressure from me. (reasonably so, I guess).

He also said he knew he hadn't been a fair friend to me (I was always listening to him talk, and he could never offer me much the same way in return- his words) and he wanted to start being a good friend for me again, starting right now. Nice gesture. How do i trust it?

He seems honest. I was hoping for big trumpets to signal her departure and that's just unrealistic. She's not completely gone yet, and he's too fresh in it for us to really talk about it, though he says he will.

Is there a best way for me to proceed here? I don't think I should ask him to go for counselling for us yet, because he has so much to work on himself first. But there are issues that come up and I don't feel safe talking about them yet, and I end up backsliding when this happens. I get all discouraged and lose PMA. I wish there was a road map to helpus through at this point.

Do you guys have ideas out there? If we're supposed to be going slow - what are the first steps we should be taking? I guess they should be more obvious to me right now, but they aren't.

Thanks for listening

LeeP