I agree with Zelda. Make him unsure whether he can "get" you. My H finally woke up and was frantic that he might lose me (never mind he threw me away 16 months before, LOL). He hightailed it to EA and ended it totally (I did not even suggest this--it was his OWN idea--in fact I actually told him I did not mind at all if he was friends with her, it did not bother me anymore, I had finally got over that and got on with my life--thus intimating that I had "friends" of my own--this drove him crazy and he said, NO, I do not want you EVER to be concerned abt me and EA, so it is best if she and I have no contact.)
H knows there are things he needs to do before I will consider letting him come back, and he is doing them. I have not specifically told him what the "things" are, but he is guessing and doing them (pretty good for a classic passive-aggressive, huh). When we get closer to time when I will tell him he can come back (probably July 1), I may tell him the specific things I have in mind, but by that time he will probably have fixed all of them anyway. I find it is much better if they do all the fixing themselves without you trying to "control" them. If your H is in the right place he will know what he needs to do, and will do it.
In fact, it is my belief that they must be willing to do "anything" to get you back. This way they will try VERY hard and there is much more chance of it lasting. Plus their attitude has to be that they were really selfish and self-centered (my H told me he was a jackass, stupid, and self-centered and was SO SORRY.) Also, for it to last, there must be a period of time elapse for them to be pursuing you like crazy and they are still not sure they have you. It has been around 7 wks for my H since he did an about face and told me he wanted to reconcile (we have been separated almost 18 months). I am actually enjoying his pursuit very much. He is doing better this time than when we were courting 21 yrs ago! Love those roses and mushy cards and the phone calls each day telling me he loves me (he didn't tell me that for around the last 7 yrs he was here!!).
OK, must run, but Lee, do not be a pushover. Make him really wonder.
