I know you want things to go at your pace. But they can't. You have positive signs as H is going to therapy and does want to cut it off from OW. These are excellent signs. It bugs you that he still sees her. That's understandable. But look at it this way. He already has both an emotional and sexual relationship with her. The cat is out of that bag. At this point sex with OW is superfluous yet at the same time innocuous.
With regards to telling the "world," if and when He comes back, it will be apparent to all. No need to alert the media.
Another point brought up by Z is detaching. From what I hear, this will be automatic. You will have to feel each other out in order to get your bearings. This is not a process to be hurried.
Best wishes and do this thing right. Show all these DBers what patience is all about. Because an impatient DBer is an unsuccessful DBer.
