Really could use some input here from people at different stages of the DB spectrum... I have been posting on the Newcomers forum on these threads:
So glad I found you all- any hope for this crazy scene?
Got a letter from WAH - please help
Meeting H tonight

H says he wants to try a new start with me, and is now SURE he wants to end it with ow (though he still has feelings for her), but has to do this part HIS way.
He’s in therapy now, and is being as painfully honest as he can be with me, though we haven’t really started working on “us” yet.

I don’t want to interfere with his ending it his way, but I admit I don’t know what that means. I think he means telling her in his way at his pace, some trying to protect her feelings. He knows this will hurt all of us more before it gets better. (I’m trying to remove myself from that as much as possible).

I’m having trouble not wanting this to go a certain way. (control??)

Part of me wishes he would be very honest with her and tell her everything – how much he loves me and wants to come back, so that there is no question in her mind (this would come as quite a shock to her at this point), and she would (hopefully) leave us alone. Also so that there would be no surprises later for me or for her, ie if we run into friends or family, etc… etc. (She lives 1200 miles away, but her family is here).

This actually goes deeper for me, he has been so disrespectful and rash through this, I do feel there’s no room for ambiguity here this time. (He went back and forth between us once before very publicly). I feel that part of the healing for us will have to include him making his love and intentions very clear to everyone – me firstly, but his family and our friends, her, etc… After everything that has happened, a skywriter would not be inappropriate –
<<< kidding! >>> . So far no one is aware we’re even talking about reconciling at this point- we’re trying to go slow and do it right.

Is this a NEED for me, or a want? Is it realistic? Should I ask him to tell me what he’s going to do? Before or after he does it? Or should I accept that he wants to end it, and not care how he does it, or what he tells her, or anyone else? DBing seems to point at just ignoring it all, like I have done a lot through this. I have let go of a lot of anger, resentment, I'm trying to be fair etc. I’d really some perspective on this.

LeeP

[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: LeeP ]

[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: LeeP ]