I know you guys are all eagerly waiting with bated breath in anticipation of my update!

Well, to save you further reading, I'll tell you now - not much - surprisingly quiet. Mostly because I stayed as far away from him as I could for the whole day.

So - backtrack - last night, After I got off the phone with him (and him telling me he'd call me back after his horrendous rampage - uh, yeah, honey - a phone call I'm soooo going to be looking forward to!) and posting here, I went to bed. Read for awhile, couldn't fall asleep - my mind was so troubled. He then called around 10:45 or so....I answered (actually - answered the 2nd time he called) very, very quietly and cautiously. Not even sure what was said - he must have thought that he woke me up, because he said you sound out of it - I'll let you go back to sleep. Fine with me (let him feel guilty for waking me up), I said OK and quick got off the phone with him.

Then during the night, the phone kept ringing & ringing & ringing - starting at around 1:30 AM. I had the phone off in my bedroom, but could hear the other one in the living room. Finally, around 3, I attempted to answer, but he hung up as I picked up. So, I called him back - couldn't really hear him - he said "Hello" , Me: "Hey - something wrong?" Him: garbled, then lost the call.

Maybe about a minute later, I saw him pull in the driveway. And ya know what, I wasn't even surprised. Is that weird? I mean, I wasn't expecting it, yet, it did not surprise me at all that he appeared.

Anyway, I was in the kitchen and he came into the living room saying "Hey, what are you doing?" I answered: "Hey, what are YOU doing?". He never came to the kitchen, I finished smoking and headed back to living room, where he's laying on the couch. He said "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come out here." I said "OK."

There was some idle chit-chat about how he felt, the pills he's on (Percoset, Augmentum; nicotine patch; wellbutrin - 2 others I don't remember); blah-blah - then I tell him I'm going back to bed. He asked if I could get him a blanket because "I guess I'll sleep on the couch" to which I said "I wouldn't have expected you to think anything else" -Not sure if he heard it, as he asked "What?", I said "I'll get you a blanket." Laughing, too, BTW.

I'm asleep and not sure what time it was - I'm pretty sure it was getting light out, when he crawls into bed next to me. I wasn't really awake, fell back to sleep. Sometime later, I felt him grab me (butt, in case you need to know) ...then say my name. ???? I fell back to sleep without comment.

I wake up, take care of the kids, etc, while he's sleeping. After everyone's all fed & such, I let D7 go wake him. He asked me to come next to him and feel if he's got a fever. He's actually cold, clammy & sweaty and got the shakes. He was like this all day. He finally called the hospital around 4 and they said it could be the infection back...suggested he go there again.

So, that's what he's doing - debating on whether to go back to the hospital or not. He was supposed to DJ a wedding tomorrow, I suggested he just let the road guys do it. I heard him on the phone with one of the people he works with - telling her to cancel the remotes they have booked for him.

I'm really worried about him - I took his temperature, it's very low, 96.8. Or, I didn't leave it in long enough (the old fashioned kind - my new one has dead batteries)...he's been cold, clammy, sweaty all day. Slept off/on all day. Soaked his clothes through. He only ate a couple pieces of toast all day. He was shaking, his face is pale and his eyes were wide. He wouldn't let me drive him (or take his truck/trailer to the road guys) to the hospital or anything. But said he'd let me know what he's doing...oh, and I should "make sure I keep the phone in the bedroom plugged in."

And that's about it for my day. GH, I wanted to comment on something you said earlier....

Quote:

and worrying about it is probably going to land YOU NM, in the hospital.



It's funny - I have a way of somehow getting past things. I've been trying to figure it out all day...and the best I can come up with is this ... I am a survivor.

I know I rant on here at times; I know I sound sad or desolate at times - but you know what, I always come out ok, and usually sooner rather than later.

I don't know how - I don't know why. People who know me and some of the things I've been through in my life, constantly remark "I don't know how you do it, NM". (A phrase that really annoys me, BTW.) I just do what I have to do. I always have. Does that make sense? I look at other people who've turned to drinking and/or drugs; others who are on anxiety pills...somehow, I've never felt a need to resort to those artificial assistants. Like I have some kind of weird force shield around me that protects me.

Yeah, I can't get down, but I don't stay down for very long. I pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on. I don't know - come see me in another 20-30 years to see if I'm still OK...who knows, maybe it will all catch up with me.

But all in all, never fear, NM will be OK. NM may, however, put SO in the hospital with his head REALLY stuffed up his a$$, lmao, but, NM will be ok. And thanks.