Morning all...

Do I smell? I was expecting all of you to jump at my offer to come help me out!! LOL - JK.

SO is supposed to be released from the hospital today. Our R is so badly disintegrated, I didn't offer any help; he hasn't asked for any. That's sad. 10 years together and I have nothing to do with this. Oh well. He's going to his apartment; then asked if he could come here tomorrow to see the kids.

He sent me some emails yesterday and this morning - kind of like completely ignoring his rampage at me and trying to make nice-nice. Well, I've decided this dance will not go on the way it has in the past. We would argue, one of us then tries to smooth it over and pretend it never happened. I can't pretend this didn't happen. Not this time. He's opened my eyes to some things that I just can't ignore. Plus, I'm way too dependent on him (financially). It really is time for things to change. Time for me to get my crap together and do what I have to do to become as separate from him as he thinks he wants, but mostly for MY self-esteem. I'm going to put his emails & my answers - just for feedback if anyone thinks I could have answered differently: (Remember, he's doing this via text on his phone) and I didn't speak/email him all day.

Him:5:15 PM Is everything ok there today?
Me: 5:24 PM Yes, everything is OK. Hope all is well with you.

Him: 5:31 PM - What will happen in the future, NM? Life cant go on way it has for the last 2 years. I will die much to young if it does. You are the smart one here and i need you to come up with some thing
Me: 5:44 PM - I agree things need to change. I've caused enough problems for you & I don't want to contribute to any more. I will come up with something.

Him: 7:00 PM - Now they put another guy in my room:( dont take my last email the wrong way. Some things have to be changed or i wont ever be healthy again
Me: 7:20 I agree this needs to change and will do whatever I must to make it easier for you and better for the kids.

Him:8:00 PM Subject line was - What is your idea for what will be the right thing for you, kids, and me? I need your thoughts
Me: 8:30 - Whatever I need to do that will relieve some of your burdens as well as not be the cause of any further undo stress towards you from me in any way.

Him: 10:00 PM - Turn on the history channel at 10
Me: No response

Him - 8:10 AM - HI! Whats new,NM? i will be released later this evening. I really wanted to try out the camper w the kids but that got ruined like everything else i try to do. Im busy all weekend now. I have no money
Me:8:30 AM - I'll bet you're glad to be getting out of there. There will be other weekends w/the kids in the camper. Take care of yourself. No response as of yet.

Today it's mow the lawn (4 hour project); try and clean some of the gutters without falling off the ladder and killing myself. Tonight, finish printing resume & cover letters with the hope that when he's here tomorrow I can get out and drop them off.

One day at a time.

PS - BTW, GH, RB, and others - you guys have some incredible posts to Emily. It amazes me every time I read things like this how so many "Strangers" can help each other in times of need. Bravo to you guys - you're awesome!